


.... And Coming Down Hard

by iamgizy (saddle_tramp)



Series: Wrapped 'Verse [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-16
Updated: 2011-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-15 17:15:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddle_tramp/pseuds/iamgizy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pairing: Lucius/Severus<br/>Rating: PG-13</p><p>Summary: Angst. To the point that when I edited this, it made me cry even though I wrote it.</p><p>Set in the same timeline/universe as my Harry/Sev stories Wrapped Around His Finger.</p><p>This is the other half of Flying Too High, but it takes place years later, in 1980.</p>
            </blockquote>





	.... And Coming Down Hard

 

Lucius leaned back against the corner post at the foot of the bed, one booted foot braced on the mattress while he sipped at a half empty cup of liberally spiked coffee. He was watching a familiar pale, lean back slowly rise and fall, and trying to toughen his heart for when the sleeping draught he'd had Dobby slip into Severus' midnight snack would wear off. He had been putting this day off for longer than he cared to think about, hoping that something would change and it wouldn't be necessary, but his hopes had been in vain. He could no longer stand to watch Severus die by inches from guilt, knowing it was his fault.

 

Lucius didn't like some of the things they did for their Lord, but he saw the way life could be if they succeeded. He was willing to do as he must to live through the dark times, biding his time until they achieved their victory over the sanctimonious fools Dumbledore surrounded himself with and could turn their attention to defeating Voldemort. Lucius had no doubt that he and Severus could defeat Voldemort. In the years they had been together, no one had ever beaten them when they worked together.

 

Lucius had pulled Severus into Voldemort's inner circle because he wanted to share the benefits with him, but he had eventually realized that Severus would never convince himself that the hoped-for end justified any and all means. Severus was tearing himself apart now that he knew what use his hard-won potions Mastery had been intended for, and cursing the day Voldemort arranged for him to study under the finest Master Britain had to offer.

 

Every time Severus had to make another poison for their Lord a little bit more of his soul died, and a small part of Lucius died with it, knowing it was all because of his stupidity. He had finally accepted the simple fact that Severus wouldn't be able to live with himself long enough to see their victory if he stayed, but that didn't make it easy for him to remedy the situation. Voldemort might be a bungler only moderately more intelligent than the fools in the Order, but he was a _powerful_ bungler with many minions who would delight in bringing Severus and Lucius down a peg. Voldemort's most faithful followers had passed Lucius around like a party favour when he was younger, and most of them wouldn't mind the chance to do so again.

 

Lucius looked down into his coffee and then reached for the flask in one of the inner pockets of his leather jacket, pouring another generous portion of alcohol into his cup. He capped the flask and tucked it away again, then looked at Severus as he took a long drink, still trying to harden his heart. He had finally realized that Severus would stand by him until the day they died unless he _made_ Severus leave, and he simply couldn't bear to watch Severus in pain any longer.

 

He knew that driving Severus away from him wouldn't be easy, and that it would likely destroy his last shred of faith in people, but he had spent a lot of time trying to find another way out without success. He would hate himself for hurting Severus -- _already_ hated himself and he hadn't even done it yet -- but it would be infinitely worse to continue to stand back and watch him fade away. Severus had already become a mere shadow of the man he'd been even a year ago, and thinking about all he had lost made it a little easier for Lucius to do what was best for Severus, no matter how badly it would hurt them both.

 

Lucius missed the man that had convinced him the day after Draco was born to cruise the Wizarding part of the red light district of Amsterdam with him, both of them wearing lacy little black dresses and fishnet stockings, high on laughter combined with more than a little alcohol and good weed. He missed the man who had spent a month on tour with Lucius and their Muggle musician friends after he won his Mastery, every night another party in another town full of adoring fans who made sure they had unlimited amounts of great music, liquor, sex, and drugs. He missed the times like the weekend they'd spent in New Orleans for Mardi Gras their seventh year, conjuring different costumes and downing Pepper-Up potions so they could keep partying the whole weekend without even an hour of sleep.

 

He missed the teenager who had moved into his house after their sixth year, disillusioned about trusting anyone but Lucius and willing to do whatever he might want to, whether it be learning to play the guitar because David said it was important or just laying in bed all day in a haze of smoke. He missed the Severus who had blossomed from a boy into a man during the summer after their fifth year, when Lucius showed him Amsterdam and gave him the freedom he'd never known, introducing him to alcohol, drugs, and beautiful boys who would do anything he liked.

 

He missed the boy who had stood at his side their third year and helped him take over Slytherin House, gathering those who were smartest and most devious around themselves and sending the idiots who had been in charge scurrying because none of them could stand against Severus and Lucius together. He missed the boy who had welcomed him into his bed and given Lucius his virginity, his loyalty, and his heart all in one night, even though Lucius knew he hadn't deserved any of it.

 

Most of all, Lucius missed being the man he knew Severus still saw when he looked at him, instead of the pathetic boot-licking slave he'd let Voldemort shape him into since the day he'd been told to marry Narcissa.

 

Lucius finished off the slightly coffee-flavoured whiskey in one gulp and then tossed the cup away as he drew his wand with the other hand, soundlessly banishing the cup before it could hit the floor and then tucking his wand into his belt again before he drew a pack of cigarettes from his outer jacket pocket. He shook one out and then put the package away again before muttering one of the few spells he could do without his wand. He put the lit cigarette to his lips and inhaled deeply, his eyes on Severus' sleeping form again as he waited for him to wake.

 

He wasn't sure he knew what love was anymore, or even if he ever had, but he knew there were two people he would gladly die to protect. One of them was sound asleep in the nursery down the hall, and the other was lying in front of him, blissfully unaware that Lucius was waiting to rip his world to shreds.

 

Somehow, Lucius was sure that he was going to fail them both.

 

.:.

 

Severus wrinkled his nose and pulled one hand out from under his pillow to brush away the hair tickling his face, then lay still as he opened his eyes. He blinked slowly as the fog of sleep cleared from his mind, wondering why he smelled whiskey and cigarettes so early in the morning. He realized a moment later that he could feel very familiar wards against his foot and his heart leapt, glad Lucius had come to see him first thing when he got home from where ever he had been for the last week.

 

He rolled over, his eyes closing a moment as he stretched with a low purring growl, then he relaxed and opened his eyes to give Lucius a sweet, happy smile. "Welcome home, love. I missed you. Why are you up so early?"

 

Lucius shrugged. "Things to do today." He paused to take a drag on his cigarette, and then added through a cloud of smoke, "Your clothes are on your chair. Get dressed."

 

Severus was a little confused by Lucius' abrupt manner and the fact he was fully dressed, but he didn't argue. He rolled towards the edge of the bed and swung his feet to the floor as he threw back the blankets, completely unashamed of his nakedness. He stood and moved towards the oversized chair by the fireplace where he often spent his evenings reading if Lucius wasn't around. "Are we going somewhere?"

 

"You are," Lucius answered and then took another drag of his cigarette. He let his eyes roam over Severus' body as he watched him step into a pair of silk boxers, wishing he had spent the night with Severus. He was very sure that he would never again have the privilege of holding Severus in his arms, and just the thought hurt so much that the pain was almost physical.

 

Lucius shoved away the feelings he had for Severus, angry with himself for letting them surface as he decided to get it over with as quickly as possible. "I want you to leave. The elves have already moved your things to the flat in Amsterdam, and it has been transferred to your name. There's enough money in your vault at Gringotts to last a year if you pay attention."

 

Severus froze in shock and then slowly turned towards Lucius. "What?"

 

"You heard me," Lucius replied, his voice quiet and cold. "You're moving out."

 

"But, Luc... _Why_?" Severus asked, stricken. "What did I do?"

 

Lucius barely managed to restrain the part of himself that wanted to go to Severus and reassure him he had done nothing wrong. He stood up and moved over to lean against the dresser instead, putting more distance between them and somehow managing to keep his eyes and voice as hard and cold as they had ever been before. "Having a willing piece of ass on the side isn't worth listening to Narcissa bitch and moan anymore. She's the mother of my heir, and she has decided that as such I owe her the courtesy of fucking her if I want laid."

 

Lucius ground his cigarette out in the ashtray on the dresser as Severus turned away again, trying not to let Lucius see how much his words had hurt. "I don't know why you are angry with me," Severus said quietly as he stepped into his jeans, "but I _do_ know I'm more than just a convenience to you."

 

Lucius let out a laugh and watched Severus fastening his trousers as he said, "Why _else_ would I have you around, Severus? _Look_ at yourself!" He snorted derisively, and Severus flinched. "I have a much prettier wife who's quite _eager_ to be on her back for me, and I can get any potions I may need from our Lord's pets. You've taught me all I need to know of Dark magic, Severus, and we both know it. I simply don't need to keep you any longer, and I'm quite tired of looking at you."

 

Severus swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, remembering all the lonely nights over the last few months. He tried to blink away the stinging in his eyes as he grabbed the flowing dark green shirt that had been laid out for him, one that Lucius had always said looked good on him. "If that was true," he said huskily, "you would have made me leave as soon as Draco was born."

 

"Merlin, no," Lucius replied, scornful. "I wasn't _about_ to screw Cissy again until she got her figure back."

 

Severus closed his eyes, trying to ignore the dampness sliding down one cheek as he asked in a fairly calm tone, "So why has it been me all these years? If I am nothing special to you, why didn't you keep someone prettier as your whore?"

 

"Because I _know_ you," Lucius replied. "I couldn't trust letting some _stranger_ into my bed, but you'd die for me and count yourself lucky to have the privilege." He paused for a few seconds to harden his heart again, and his voice positively dripped with scorn as he went on, "You're really rather _pathetic,_ you know. All I had to do was tell you I wanted you, and you fell all over yourself to please me. You would do anything I wanted as long as it meant I'd let you stay with me."

 

Severus turned suddenly to look at Lucius, his eyes bright with tears and full of pain. "You love me, I _know_ you do. You gave me your word that you would never lie to me, and you've said you love me a hundred times, at least."

 

Lucius gave Severus a disdainful look, something inside him dying as he saw the betrayal in Severus' eyes. "You're a fool, Severus."

 

Severus looked into icy blue eyes for a long moment as a few tears slid slowly down his cheeks, then he inhaled sharply, blinking rapidly as his expression finally hardened. "Yes," he replied quietly, "I suppose I have been. Never again."

 

Severus turned away abruptly and moved over to the foot of the bed, stepping into the loafers that were in the floor there. He turned towards the bedside table then, only to stop as Lucius said, "Your wand is waiting in Amsterdam with your other things, you needn't bother looking for it." Severus looked at him, his dark eyes obviously angry even through the sheen of tears, and Lucius sneered at him. "I'm not _stupid,_ Severus. I know how dangerous you are, and I don't intend to die because you've had your little feelings hurt. You can't Apparate without a wand, so there's a pot of Floo powder by the fireplace."

 

Severus looked at Lucius a moment and then turned to walk quickly towards the fireplace. "Will I be allowed to visit Draco?"

 

"When he's older," Lucius replied, his voice once again calm and hard. "I expect you to stand by your oath to teach him and protect him as if he were your own son. He'll have need of your knowledge, if he's to be a fitting heir to me." ‘ _And maybe if he’s lucky,_ ’ Lucius thought to himself, ‘ _you will figure out some way to save him from my mistakes._ ’

 

"Of course," Severus replied quietly, keeping his back to Lucius as he reached into the small pot on the mantle. "Goodbye, Lucius."

 

"This isn't _goodbye_ ," Lucius replied with another snort, "You'll still be expected by our Lord whenever he calls, unless you want to die slowly. He would probably even use your own potions on you. He would think it a great joke."

 

Severus' back stiffened as he drew himself up to his full height and said coldly, "I will respond, should he call. I would, however, suggest that you not push me once I have my wand back, Lucius. I have very little reason left not to kill you." He threw the handful of power into the fireplace then, green flames roaring up as he stepped into them and said clearly, "Snape flat, Amsterdam."

 

A few moments later Severus was standing in the fireplace in a colourful, airy flat in Amsterdam. He barely noticed the tingle as he stepped past the house wards out into the room, or even the freezing chill of the room. The only thing on his mind was the burning pain where his heart used to be. He stumbled to the nearest chair and collapsed, sobbing into the bright cushion so loudly that he didn't hear the quick shuffle of light footsteps as something moved close to him or the crackle of an elf leaving.

 

.:.

 

Lucius let his head fall forward as soon as Severus was gone, his cold mask slipping away to reveal an expression of deepest self-loathing. "Well done, Luc old boy," he whispered, "well done... The only person you could _really_ trust hates you, just like you wanted."

 

There was a crackling sound then, and Lucius lifted his head. Dobby appeared near the fireplace, bowing and then hesitantly moving forward as he said quietly, "Master's love is safe in the flat Master warded to protect him. Master's love's wand is next to him, exactly as Master wished."

 

"It would have been kinder if I had simply killed him in his sleep."

 

Dobby shuddered. "Master doesn't want to be killing his love. Master wants his love _safe_ , Master said so."

 

"Yes, but at what price?" Lucius asked softly, his blue eyes bright with pain. "Is knowing that he's alive and giving him the chance to free himself from our Lord worth making him hate me?"

 

"Freedom is being worth _anything_ ," Dobby replied in a hoarse whisper. "Master's love is safe and far away from He Who Should Not Be Named. Master should be _proud_."

 

Lucius let out a short, broken sound that might have been a laugh or a sob, looking up at the ceiling. "He's not safe yet, Dobby. He _still_ wears Voldemort's damnable Mark. All I can give him is a chance to use that wonderful mind of his to free himself from the trap I led him into."

 

"Master didn't _mean_ to trap his love," Dobby said quickly, wringing his hands as he watched Lucius' face. "Master would _never_ hurt his love! Master _treasures_ his love."

 

"Master _did_ hurt his love, Dobby, and quite deliberately," Lucius replied, his gaze still directed towards the ceiling even though all he could see was the look in Severus' eyes when he told him that he was a fool. "Master ripped his love's heart out and stomped on it this morning, and Master knew exactly what he was doing."

 

Dobby didn't know what to say to that and just stood there fidgeting for a moment before Lucius suddenly looked at him.

 

"You may be about your duties, Dobby. If anyone inquires after me, tell them I had personal business to attend to. I am not here."

 

"Yes Master," Dobby replied quickly, quite used to lying for his master. "Is there anything Master wishes before Dobby goes?"

 

"Yes. A bottle of my best Glenfiddich and the silver box out of my left hand desk drawer," Lucius replied, walking past Dobby towards the chair by the fire. "I intend to spend a day or two trying to forget who I am."

 

"Dobby will be right back with Master's things," Dobby said quietly, looking sad as he popped out of the room.

 

Lucius sat down in the chair, turning sideways in it and pressing his face to the cushion to inhale Severus' familiar scent. He let out a soft, strangled noise after a few moments and closed his eyes as he whispered, "I'm so sorry, Sev. I never wanted to hurt you."

 

~ End


End file.
